Data Troll

Musings of a database designer, right-wing constitutional anarchist and overly idealistic schmuck.

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Location: Texas, United States

A middle-aged database designer, specializing in Oracle. I have a teen-aged son and Chinese wife.

Saturday, September 23, 2006

Being 'Comfortable'

I came to an epiphany while on the road the other day, one that is both enjoyable and depressing at the same time. I was in Boston for work, waiting for a shuttle bus, when I fell into conversation with an attractive young woman waiting for the same shuttle. She seemed to be in a talkative mood and we enjoyed a lively discussion of things for over a half-hour while waiting for and riding the shuttle bus. At the end of the ride, Monet (who turned out to be a Haitian-born biomedical engineer) shook my hand and we said our goodbyes.

As I walked the two blocks to the hotel, I thought that- had that happened 20-25 years ago- I certainly would have invited the young lady to join me for dinner. And then I stopped; I realized why an opportunity to enjoy such a spontaneous conversation with her would not have happened if I had been 20 or even 15 years younger. The conversation took place primarily because I have reached the ‘comfortable’ age.

What is the ‘comfortable’ age? It is that point that a young woman no longer looks at you as either a threat or a possible romantic issue and loses all social defensiveness toward you. You are no longer a threat, just someone to chat with.

It’s a little demoralizing to be so easily ‘socially harmless’, but I’ll enjoy the benefits as well; that ‘socially harmless’ state works both ways. I find it easy to chat pleasantly with a lovely lady, since I am past the stage where testosterone completely dissolves my IQ in such a situation.

It also explains my friendly relationship with a young colleague of mine, who has had problems with a husband who could easily be a finalist in the ‘Moron of the Year’ award. D. is very beautiful in appearance, but more so in personality and sweetness. She’s come to me for advice on her problems (of which I hope I’ve given her some help) and I work with her on a side project. We went to lunch with a crusty old coworker of mine also involved in the ‘side-work’ and D. seemed to really enjoy the two of us ‘greybeards’ verbally smacking each other around. I have come to realize that my ‘comfortable’ status is a big part of this easy association and I enjoy our friendship very much.

I offer this explanation for illumination to young men. If you shake your head not understanding why women like Bethany or Michelle (reasons alone to be conservative) often hang around with older guys, just realize it because those guys have reached that ‘comfortable’ stage.

But there is just enough ego left in me that wishes that I wasn’t so ‘comfortable’ around such angels. But time stands still for no man.